I hate to write these posts. Not because they are bad or because I have some incredibly awkward news to break to you but because there are some experiences one can go through and when trying to portray that experience to others you find yourself just saying “you had to be there”. This last weekend with Kulula was one of those but I shall do my utmost to give you an idea of how much fun we had.
On Friday afternoon I found myself fortunate enough to be amongst six other individuals jet setting to Johannesburg for the Kulula Most South African Flight Ever. The chosen group that Kulula put me with only added to the experience and if you have a moment you should really check these hugely entertaining cats (and tiger) out; @MrCPT, @SlickTiger, @Nadi_Krige, @alixrosecowie, @Bryony_W, and @calepissarra. On arrival in Johannesburg we were taken to Monte Casino where we managed to inhale most of the “Mediterranean Selection” before even making it to our main meals. We were told we would be picked up at eight the following morning and breakfast was served from half past six and so I parted way with the others and headed for the shower, knowing full well that an attempt to shower at half past six the following morning would most likely be far too higher grade and I would likely drown.
Saturday morning (now smelling like Zeus’s freshly sprayed armpit) we all met again for breakfast where we found ourselves being kept company by none other than Jack Parow. Even at that dire time of the morning the man looked like he could have been packing a half jack of klippies in his back pocket, and we were now able to start painting a picture of what would be happening as it had all been cryptic messages and smoke signals up to this point.
Next thing we know we had been shuttled off to Lanseria for the flight itself and were checking in while shovelling down handfuls of biltong. Kulula could be onto something there, and I suggest their marketing department makes it the standard for all check-ins. Then found ourselves nervously tip toeing through to the boarding gate having absolutely no idea what to expect before rounding the corner and the place coming to life; in one corner some very talented men showing off with a soccer ball, in another a man with some very impressionable puppets, and then appeared a nice lady who was insistent on folding herself in half.
You could tell quite obviously that you were boarding a flight that was a step above the rest. While passing the very jolly gents in the gumboots you could now hear Mr Jack Parow, having made it past airport security, now belting out a tune at the boarding gate. You can imagine how this had suddenly become a hugely surreal experience with passengers all looking a bit bewildered and unsure of what was going on.
On the plane every passenger found a “Padkos” goody bag in their seat with all good things South African to snack on. Now shovelling biltong down for the second time that morning MC and comedian Kurt Schoonraad took to the inflight comm system and took control of the situation. Now trying to deal with the biltong and Mr Schoonraad’s jokes several passengers looked like they may delay flight due to a dire need for potential choking. One man looked like he had reached the end of his tether and would soon pass on when My Schoonraad said “someone asked me to prove I was really from Mitchells Plain… so I stabbed him.” This, again, I would like to point out to the Kulula marketing department was excellent. All future potential pilots should not bother applying if “they can’t tell jokes good.”
Up in the air there was much banter with The Most South African Flight Ever having put all passengers into a bizarre sense of euphoria, helped along by the Wits choir who appeared from nowhere and belted out the National Anthem along with a couple of other tunes. You really could not hope for much more out of any flight and I am hugely grateful for having been asked to tag along.
Back on the ground we were forced back to reality which was so morbidly dull compared to the flight we had just been on. We trudged off to our flight back to Cape Town and while Slick Tiger was working to destroy the world on his iPad the rest of us put our heads down. We had by that point had far too much excitement for one weekend.
Now we shall wait to see what they got out of it. There were cameras for Africa on board the flight and I have no doubt they got some pretty spectacular footage. So if I have not managed to do justice to the experience please don’t hesitate to call me up and tell me exactly how you feel.